Current Situation: I am sitting in a lawn chair in the middle of what will eventually be our living room. My kids are quietly playing legos on the kitchen table. Literally on the table, we have no chairs. I thought well, “I’m too tired to do anything else, I’ll write finally.” I’m dreading the whole “homework, supper, baths, teeth brushing debacle, get in bed” routine. I bought groceries yesterday, forgot the list in the car, forgot key ingredients for each dinner planned so none of them work. I’m thinking of ordering pizza. **Pause to order pizza**
I am also sitting here picking up fleas off my legs and sticking them in a paper plate filled with dish soap to kill them. I look back at the trials and tribulations are family has gone through together and this one, I wouldn’t say it takes the cake but its been WAY harder than I thought. Living in a hotel in Italy for a month was probably my least favorite. This is a lot more exciting at least. Buying a home finally, moving to a new city, and having a place that will become a home is wonderful. Something I couldn’t wait probably since we moved to Hungary 6 and half years ago.
My husband recently took a job that will require him to travel overseas 6 months out of the year. Though I know I can handle things myself for the most part, purchasing a house and all the responsibility of setting up a house,sleeping on air mattress, switching my kids school, running our businesses as usual, moving, appointments, learning a new city, and on top of everything a huge flea problem. I was unprepared to say the least. Oh did I mention I’m 9 months pregnant?
Every mom knows when life gets busy and hands you a bunch of lemons, or fleas from hell, you start feeling guilty. Guilty about wanting to hide in the closet, guilty that your patience with you kids is obsolete. Guilty that somehow you just can’t get it all accomplished. I feel guilty about feeling guilty! I didn’t read them story time. Instead of playing legos with them, I decided to clean the kitchen. Is Zane getting enough attention through the day? I forgot Cruze’s water bottle. I can never feel like I’m giving enough to all areas of my life.
I am stressed, to say the least. My family, God bless them all, are so supportive. “Taylor, put your feet up, take a break!” they often say. ( I snap chatted them a photo of my swollen ankles and feet and I think I shouldn’t have) But here’s the thing. I can’t stop. I have to keep going because no one else will do it for me. No-one else is gonna clean my toilets and keep up with the laundry. No-one else is gonna reschedule pottery Barn to come reassemble the bunk bed because they put it together wrong. (see? Lemons!) No-one else is gonna schedule appointments and scrub baseboards and move the stuff. No-one can sit down and do homework with my oldest before dinner, baths, and bedtime.
I never realized how single parents did it. But now I really don’t see how they do it. I applaud them. They need a medal.
This is just the hard part. It’s adjusting. It’s just one of those times in our life where everything becomes frantic. I was vacuuming for the 654th time tonight (because fleas) and I thought this sucks, but I know in a few years I’ll look back and go “whew, glad that’s over!” I might even chuckle. I also know that life isn’t always easy. Adulting is hard and I remind myself that even in these times where I feel like I could fall apart ( and have), that we have life. We have love. We have each other. We have our health and our beautiful children. We have so much to be thankful for. This is just a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of it all.
I have so much to look forward to. I cannot wait to meet this 3rd baby Collins. I can’t wait to kiss my husband after he comes off that airplane. I cannot wait for my mom and Meme to come visit me. I cannot wait until our new furniture come in even though it’s gonna be mattress on the floor for a long time. The good parts are just ahead, so close in fact that its scares me. Holy crap I’m about to have 3 boys. THREE BOYS. Lord help me…