Leaving again, but this time its not all of us. Just party of one. Now that we have moved home from overseas, the only person who will be traveling around will be my husband. He left a while back for two weeks. It’s not that long, we have done that once before when he was in India. With everything going on, the displacements, the moving, the paperwork, buying a house, starting school ( for Cruze), it has definitely made it harder to go it alone. The first day when he left I was a mess. I cried on and off worried if I could handle it. Then I found my pace and by the time he came back I felt fully self-sufficient. I had learned to handle not having any help and I came to see how much I was capable of. I was also more emotionally stable a month ago…
Im 33 weeks today and though I still have 6-7 weeks to go ( 6 if I go for a c-section and 7 if this baby is as stubborn as the others) My husband just left and I’d bet he’s not even to I-95 as I write this. My face is still snotty mess; my emotions are raw. I’ve cried everyday this week and some of it wasn’t for any good reason. Being pregnant is no walk in the park… I miss him already. It upsets me more that the kids don’t really understand the concept of time yet, so they don’t see how long it is. For me, there is a protectiveness I no longer have. I hear a bump in the night and I don’t stir, my husband keeps us safe. If something breaks, it can be fixed. If I have a hard day, there’s a super hero that swoops in and gives the kids a bath so I can take a break. When I have a funny story, he’s who I tell.
When he’s gone, email and phone are limited which makes it that much harder. By the second week though, I know I will be adjusted.
Just a few days ago I was balling in Target. We thought perhaps that house was falling through. Then that night with puffy eyes, there was good news that we are back on track. That is how the house buying has been going. This is also our third attempt at buying a home, the first two fell through. It has been a mess of ups and downs and theres always a chance it could fall though last minute. I’m counting the days til closing and praying everything goes the way it should. To have a home, would be glorious. Though there will be a while of sleeping on an air mattress, I’m okay with it. Cruze will have to switch schools and I will learn how to live in a new city. Hank won’t be here for the closing or the move in. The week after closing he should be home and hopefully I’ll welcome him to his new home in downtown St. Augustine. Less than a month after closing we will be welcoming our 5th member of the family and I can’t wait. While the days are long and hard, I know there is some really exciting stuff coming around so I keep positive it will be okay.
Today I got in the truck to pick up Cruze from school and I see a note that he left me. It was the sweetest thing ever, and it made me love him more if that’s even possible. I cried the whole way to Flagler Beach missing him just that much more.
Through everything we have been though in our crazy lives, I’m so lucky to have him. To have our kids. I’m grateful for this life God has given us. Only 4 weeks to go, we will be back together awaiting our littlest boy! Here’s to the next month, I got this! I think… haha