Today I lost my patience…
I’m a pretty good mom most days. But everyday, I fiercely love my children. I couldn’t survive without them, they are like the air I breathe.
But let’s be real. Every mom sometimes feels like pulling out their hair. Raising these tots is simply hard. Whether its sibling fights, reiterating the last damn thing you said 200 times then arguing about why you said what you said, the 42 meals you seem to make a day, cleaning a never ending mess, toting them off to school, practice, or just staying at home with them.
Its hard and let no man or woman tell you anything other. We’ve elected ourselves to have these babies. We knew that they would be the single best thing we ever did with our lives, and also realized that after children it might be the only thing you ever get to do. And that’s okay because it’s worth it.
Some days you want to curl up in the fetal position on the floor. Sometimes you just want to scream into your pillow. I promise you aren’t insane.
There is more drama built into their 2 ft 3 inches than in 6 semi popular high school girls. Sometimes, I have absolutely no patience for their bullshit. Bullshit which includes fighting over the same toy when we have 4,359 that are the same, complaining about the food that they won’t eat, then asking for ice cream like I’m some kind of moron, whining because God knows why, crying for the same exact reason, getting hurt after I told them not to, telling them the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over ( you get the point right?), cleaning up mess after mess, and constantly reasoning with a almost 4 year old about why the sun is still up and its not morning.
I know all moms can relate to this. Sometimes we have had enough. Its a constant burden ( of preciousness as well) to have these kids on and around you 24/7. Trying to just keep them alive, well it’s almost all you can do. Yesterday my kid must have thought he was Gabby Douglas qualifying for the Olympics, he kept catapulting himself of the bottom steps. By then end of the day he had 4 different injuries mostly on his head. The day before, my oldest got an obsession with a toy ambulance. My ears were ringing with this loud, shrill sound he kept making. I knew that if I was to see or hear a real ambulance go by, I might “Britney Spears” it with an umbrella.
Sometimes I am close to diving head first off a cliff if another kid cries. Or one more pull at the hem of my clothes. Someone asking me another question about birds. Cleaning someone else’s ass. Arguing about what toy belongs to what kid. (The answer is none of them. I bought them. they are all mine, and I’d like to throw them all away. Yes, Even Tow Mater. )
Here’s what we really want to say…
I don’t want to eat a cold meal while you waste your hot meal. I do not want to even fix dinner that I know you wont eat. My dinner can consist of a glass of Merlot, no clean up necessary. I don’t want to help you clean up your toys that YOU were supposed to put away 15 ages ago. I don’t want to pretend to eat your play doh sandwich. I can’t talk about lizards anymore. No I shan’t watch you do a somersault again. Please don’t yell at me about your cheese puffs you think “I owe you”. I cannot muster any f—ks about your melted ice water. I can’t fathom watching another episode of Dora. I hate her. I’m not capable of handling one more mess. Im not in the mood for bedtime stories, Im in the mood only for you in the bed. Sleeping.
Its not that I don’t love you. God, my soul hurts to think about how much I care for you. But why can’t it be easy just for today? I want to stand in the notebook section of Target and look at stuff I don’t need but think is so pretty. I want to make it through the grocery store without hearing whining about you hating salad even though I didn’t buy any. I want to be able to concentrate and not forget the milk. AGAIN. I don’t care if you don’t like coffee creamer. Also, don’t stick your hand out of this cart as I stroll into the wine section. Don’t slap your brother when I’m not watching. We don’t have time for you to hand the cashier everything. No you can’t have candy.
I don’t want to yell at you anymore, especially saying the same old things I keep saying. “don’t touch that”, “leave your brother alone”, “be sweet to each other”, “get out from under my feet” and other things. Im sick of hearing my own voice. By the end of the day I realize I haven’t said an intelligent sentence all day.
I’m just exhausted.
Let’s be real, this is just sometimes how we feel at the end of a long day. Its not a crime and you aren’t a bad mom. So if they ever make it to bed and actually go to sleep. Take a “mommy time out”, lift a glass of wine and chow down on those cheese puffs you told the little one he couldn’t have. You deserve it.
Today was a rough one. Tomorrow probably will too. Good Luck and Godspeed.