Wow, I have only a minute and two sleeping babies. I could start dinner but I have been hoping to get a second to write!
Where do I start? I guess Ill start with the now and work my way back to the birth of our new little baby, Ethan Zane.
I have to say these past 3 weeks have been nothing short of hard. I gave birth to a very large baby ( for my frame any ways) which made for a really hard slow recovery ( I’m not even telling you the half of it, Ill spare you the gory details), an extra 3 day hospital stay for Zane and I with multiple revisits to check him, got a terrible stomach virus and came down with an everlasting sinus/cold all in a few weeks. There were actually times where I thought, ” Im gonna die.” I also thought, Ive got to tell my husband to just take me to the hospital so I can get better. I feel like I went through hell. I couldn’t even enjoy my new baby. I could barely hold him. I lost about 25 pounds in two weeks and along with that went some of my breast milk. I was struggling just to feed him and hold on to the most valuable liquid on the planet!
Today, I can say with relief that I am feeling much better. I have to say my attitude has needed an adjustment, emotionally I don’t know if I was dealing either. Just last night my mom gave me some great advice and showed me how lucky I am to have these two precious boys (even if they are less than pleasant sometimes) and how I should be thankful I have my husband and I don’t have to worry about working. I guess Im getting ahead of myself…
No one prepares you for two kids. I was that person who posted on Facebook about how her ONE kid was making her crazy and she needed a break…and I don’t even have a job. Im sure Moms everywhere with more than one kid just laughed. You don’t know how difficult it will be to juggle the needs of two, especially when you just gave birth to one. I saw my Mom raise 4 of us (technically 5 or 6 is you count our friends who became secondary kids). She seemed to have done it with such ease. I don’t really remember her breaking down, crying, or even killing any of us. I can do two right? Well of course I can, but I just didn’t realize the challenge of adjustment. Im still not there but at least Ive managed how to get two kids downstairs in the morning and prepare a meal without losing my mind. Mostly it has to do with having the best husband I could ask for. He basically has become a single dad to Cruze since Im so tied to the little one. Poor Cruze asks me where daddy is every 5 minutes when he’s working.
As for breastfeeding, it hasn’t quite worked out. The first 3 days were bliss and then it all go too complicated when Zane was admitted to the hospital. ( More about that in Part 2/3) I have drank the teas, water, pumped consulted friends, blogs, and everything to keep my milk. Im very big about breastfeeding! Its cheaper and easier ( so I thought). Ive unfortunately had to supplement with formula and he’s not at all wanting to nurse so for now its pumping. Breast milk is better than no breast milk so I will just do what has to be done. I realized I was so upset all the time about him not nursing that I wasn’t really enjoying him and letting it stress me out. Ive come to terms with it, and still try to nurse him if he will let me. He’s a lazy baby, he likes the bottle.
Cruze is handling the baby better than expected. He actually seems to be head over heels in love with him. He kisses him all the time, sometimes a bit too much and I have to tell him to give the baby some breathing room. However, a lot of attention has been taken away from him. Mostly my fault, i was in so much pain most of the time I couldn’t even function. I was barely surviving by putting him in front of 24/7 cartoons. (BAD mommy!) Cruze has learned the word “NO” and has become more defiant. He will do things just to test us. Its probably his way to get attention so that has been a bit hard to deal with.
Adjusting obviously takes time and it will be a few months before everything is worked out. I haven’t seen most my friends for several weeks, going anywhere is a pain, my back hurts from the weight shift, I’m so sleep deprived I function at a 5 year olds level, and my husband and I barely take a 5 minute shower. I need a haircut, a manicure, and some fresh air. But I know in time I will be able to do some of these things. I need to try to enjoy this precious baby and toddler because before I know it they will be too old. We are planning our Christmas vacation to Europe and I cannot wait! Well, I can definitely hold off on flying 8 hours with 2 babies but I NEED to get to Europe. Mostly because I NEED wine…
Well the baby has awoken and dinner still needs to be started. (Is it too late to order a pizza?)
Stay tuned for Part 2…